Hello hello! Who’s enjoying this gorgeous 90% humidity day? Um not me…it’s hitting me like a ton of bricks after living out in Colorado, where it was so dry that I needed a humidifier for my bedroom so as not to wake up with daily nosebleeds.
Okay, fun times and a little TMI, but not what I wanted to talk about today. I actually thought I’d update you on some of my thoughts surrounding this stage of surgery recovery….obviously something I think about daily but haven’t really been able to put into words….so we’ll see how this goes.
For those of you who are new around here: Back in early January I had arthroscopic surgery to repair a labral tear in my hip. The labrum is the tiny piece of connective tissue that lines the pelvic acetabulum and protects the acetabulum and femoral head (the two bones that make up the joint) from rubbing against each other. Labral tears are quite common in young athletes and mine – I’m pretty sure – occurred because I was cross-training too much in attempt to return from a running injury. The repair went flawlessly, and there was no cartilage damage or arthritis, wahoo!
So….it’s been almost five months since my surgery. To be honest I’m not quite sure where things stand or where I’m going to go from here. For the most part I’ve been making pretty great progress – I do my physical therapy routine three days a week (it’s pretty intense and takes about an hour and a half), and ride the stationary bike for about an hour three days a week. I go for an hour long walk every day and take one rest day a week. I’ve attempted a run once, and it went well.
Needless to say I’m taking things as conservatively as possible. I could probably be starting to work up to biking four or five and eventually six days a week (actually I should get on that). I can probably start doing core work again (this is actually sort of dangerous with this surgery because the operation aggravates the hip flexor a ton). I can probably be running more.
The thing is, it still hurts sometimes. I’m told this is normal and that it takes six months for the hip to go back to normal, but it freaks me out. Is it REALLY just scar tissue? or did I mess it up somehow? Will it EVER go back to being pain free?
WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO RUN LIKE I USED TO?
The practical thing to do, of course, is get an MRI and make sure. Which I intend to do in August (the six month mark) if things still aren’t feeling great. But even with my kickass insurance, an MRI is $700. Ain’t nobody got time for that especially not a grad student.
SO for now I’m just….trying to use my better judgement and stay calm, and stay the course. Which is easier on some days than others but the truth is that I’m absolutely TERRIFIED. Scared to run again, scared to fail, scared that I’ll end up staying in this spot forever, scared to move forward. I mean that’s normal, I haven’t been able to run pain-free for over a year.
But how do I know when the time is right? How will I get over this fear and push myself to move on?
Those are the questions I still have….and I don’t have answers just yet. And that’s about where I’m stuck!